Night Shift

It's 7:30 in the evening I can hear from my apartment opposite noord taxi rank in Johannesburg the noise subsiding, it's getting dark outside the tumult from the street vendors shouting all at once is dying down it the survival of the fittest only the fierce make it out of the jungle in one way or another we are all bestowed different traits to make it through it just lies entirely up to you how you expedite in approach of your prey

"you better hurry with that homework and make sure by the time your father gets back you are ready" said mama irritated seeing that her husband will be back in any time from work. Elias worked as a security guard in Ekwezi train station in Soweto their company was contracted to Spoornet, he came home drunk every night from the R20 bribes he would take from the people who crossed the railway line

knowing that he can walk in any minute gave me a woozy feeling I was plagued by ambivalent stance towards him, I was not sure if I loved him as a father and hated him for what he was doing to me or if I hated him all together, the antagonistic within me grew each second I laid my eyes on him, he would glance down at me callously.

"I don't want your nonsense today woman all I need is my food and that stupid daughter of yours to warm my bed, and you can go to hell for all I care" mama was distraught and seeing her like that made my heart sink taking upon myself to break the tension i drew closer to Elias and said "baba I got 85% for my test today" he flashed me a thunderous look and said don't call me that, I blinked, frightened and confused by his manner stepped closer to Zoliswa and tugged myself under her skirt she stiffened, bit her lip and glanced down at me helplessly. there were times I wished she would just chin up and chase the bastard but she was too terrified of him and I hated her for that I hated her more than I hated his guttural voice if only i can bring myself to yell "I hate you" at this bastatrd's face I would feel better I thought.

I dreamed contentedly that one day  would open my eyes and realize it was all just a bad dream, and maybe I would open them and see Buhle smiling at me, she had a smile that lit from the very edge of the tunnel and glowed through out; a heart so pure she was never angry and such an utterly enchanting character everybody always wanted to be close to her including Elias, well to him it was more than a captivation of her inviting persona he had a reason to, have I not observed how terrified she was of him I would have sworn she was his favorite. The entire Kwezi was at her funeral or at least I thought because I have never seen so many people before in my life more especially at a 15 year old's funeral; everybody loved her and at her memorial service even the dumb wanted to speak about her kindness her lovely smile.  Even after 3 years when iI think of her  I still bleed with pain because if she was still hear I would share with her what I was going through knowing full and well that she would not judge me rather she would think of every possible way to beat this as she always said when Elias would beat Zoliswa each night "we will find our way out of this I promise" and she said that with so much assurance I believed her and when Elias stopped beating mama I was certain that Buhle came with the solution.


I always believed that Buhle died from Asthma had not that dim-witted woman told me that she was  raped repeatedly one night the same night she died by her drunk husband Elias and when the attack came he would not climb down, he would not come out of her, he kept on pounding till he realized she was not crying anymore then he shook her calling her name and said " oh f*** I've killed her" that's when he called Zoliswa to the bedroom and they called the ambulance while waiting for it to arrive she quickly bathed her so that it would clearly seem like an asthma attack with no chance of directing the blame to them as to what triggered the attack. She was too ashamed for people to discover that she had traded with her daughter just to keep the man who always threatened to leave her and her selfishness outlayed her a child. Had she not delineated that sad twinge I would still believe Buhle died from Asthma;  what kept Elias was now gone and he started beating her again until she had to make him another haggle and that was me.

Zoliswa was always egotistical forever looking out for herself she would not do anything unless it benefited her in some sort of way,  "what does she want this time" that's what I thought one evening when she decided to bathe me comb out my hair and squirted me with her Love her madly body spray, she was up to something it was my turn to warm Alias's bed, just like it used to be with the kings of Israel when they grew old they found themselves young virgins to warm them up for they said they were feeling cold, and that was exactly what our supposed 'mother" bore us for to be later her gears to keep her man happy.

I was only 10 years old and still believed that children came from somewhere in space or in an airplane and the stomach of a pregnant woman would disappear just immidiately after the plane drops the child, he came back singing happily drenched in alcohol his feet could not sustain his body anymore, too drunk to even remember who he was, soon as he finished eating he dragged me to their bedroom I first thought he was finally acting like a father I thought he was playing with me, as she also came following us he shut the door at her face and told her she could make herself useful by ironing the clothes he would need for the next day. he removed my clothes I was still confused I stood there motionless not understanding what was going on he then removed his clothes grabbed me with one hand as though he was holding a bag of oranges threw me on top of the bed then climbed on top of me he started raping me repeatedly I cried till the tears could not come out anymore if there was a fountain that sprang water within anyone I was sure mine was dry, he would stop climb off light his cigarette I just remained lying there I could not move I was not sure if my limb could still move I just layed there and after a few pulls of cigarette he would start where he left off, I have never riveted so much pain, all I wanted was to die right there I wanted to follow Buhle wherever she was .

I woke up in my room the next morning and was glad that I was dreaming but the pains were still there so I was not dreaming after all it happened I could not walk and the house was so tranquil I was definite they were still asleep. I wanted to run away while they were still sleeping but how was I? if i could not even walk, when she finally woke up she came to my room and said it was going to be ok "it killed me hearing you cry like that last night but there's nothing i can do, if I don't give him what he wants he will leave me,  I am doing this for us" was it really, what is really for us or for her how was I then in so much pain alone if it was for us, still wished to die for I thought if I died it will be over it carried on every single night till I was about 12 years old; by day I would be a child and by night I would be my own father's wife. How I wanted to be a child like every other child but I could not because I was already a wife my own father's wife. I felt like everyone could see me especially other kids at school or maybe it was just me who wished they saw me so there would be someone to bail me out, I wanted to kill the bastard for robbing me of my childhood.

On the 12 of July it was thee day I woke up early it was a beautiful Saturday morning both my mother and her beloved were nowhere around the house and damn it was my lucky day I gathered few of my things as fast as I could and I ran for my life I could not take it anymore, when I got to the train terminal I took the first train I had no destination intended and it was okay as long as I got away from both of them,  the train was going south in Naledi station everybody disembarked I was left alone in all 12 coaches I was the only one left, though I stayed in Soweto i had not been to that side I was not sure whether to get off or just sit there because I was afraid Soweto was too little they would easily find me I could see the driver coming out and the whistle guy following I knew that the train was not gonna go anywhere I stood by the door for a couple of hours got tired and decided to take a power nap when I woke there was a beautiful lady starring at me as I opened my eyes I was sure I was in Heaven and she was an angel watching over me or waiting for me to wake up then she would lead me to where I would find God and when I get to him will throw myself at his feet and begin to weep and ask him to punish my parents for all the pain they caused me. " hello honey for how long have you been sleeping here" I looked at her I was not sure what to say because it sure felt like i have been sleeping there all my life for every limb in my body ached I kept quiet for a while looked deep into her eyes I did not really know what to say after a jiffy I managed to gather the last straw of strength left for the past two years I had been sapped from crying, the rape, the hate, self pity and remorse. I told her who I was and how I ended up sleeping in parked trains for two days, she held me very tight stroking my hair and said my life will never be the same again she will make sure of that she then took me with to her house, bathed me bought me new clothes took me to the salon I looked different like it was not me, for once in my life I felt loved, welcomed and for once after a very long time I felt like a child again.

What was intriguing though was that she would sleep the entire day and wake up 17:00 to take a shower, she woke up earlier though on weekends and an hour later there would be all this different mean coming in, thin, fat, ugly and handsome and would spend a few minutes then leave it intrigued me how one would have so many visits in one day and distinctively of the same gender, I was finally getting used to the bust streets of Johannesburg, when I had to run again from my God sent angel that had found me a while ago sleeping in a train "listen here lady now its high time you do something for me as well, I found you lying helplessly and hopeless in a train I gave you shelter and fed you treated you like family I am tired of this business now it's time you also did something for me. I want you to step in and whatever you make we'll share 60/40 " she gave me a day to think about what she had said and threatened that failure to consider her offer I will have to repay her for all she did for me in 48hours clearly ill fortune was following me each step I took crying could not have changed the situation considering that I did not know Johannesburg very well and the people that I knew were people that were in the same industry she was in, after a few hours I went to her and told her I would do it; there was nothing much left for me all my hopes as a child died when my mother decided that it was much more important to keep a man than to being a child who had a promising future deeming that I was an A student.

Prematurely the same evening two younger guys came in Queen spoke to them she then called me to the room shortly and said "those two will be your first clients I organized younger guys because I first want you to get used to the verve but that's not where the big money is soon as I find other girls your age we will start going to Casino's you and I are going places my girl" so I attended my first to clients it was nothing I did not know, before I knew it I was a popular new girl in the block few months later three more girls joined us they were older than me, two were 20 years old and one 17 I was still the youngest and even with those girls in the business I was still the popular one and Queen charged more for me because she said I was a rare beauty and all the latent clients were mine, business men, priests, celebrities were my breed I ruled the streets of Hilbrow to all the way down in Nugget.

Should I have went to school I have no doubt that I would be in communal like you, who are you to judge me if your husband is my most valuable client, each time he says he is working late he is with me each time he says he is meeting with the bishop he is with me, I did not choose this life, this life chose me from when I was still as innocent as one gets I was sold into it Night Shift is my life, it's how I survive, the only difference between you and I is that you work during the day and I work during the night, if you see me as a reprobate and you do not have transgressions then be the first one to cast the stone.

                                                    To be continued..........