Loving the loved.

It makes absolutely no sense as to why only "good things" come to an end, Ntombi wondered as she  sat outisde the porch of her new apartment. She knew he was not really hers, and it's not like they were together or anything; but for what is worth he is and will always be her sweetest whatever. Sooner or later she knew she would have to face the music but did not realise just how soon. Knowing or not knowing does not make the pain any less though, was it really suppose to miff this much? she thought.

" I wish i never met him at all, even though i have grown so fond of him things were just simpler before meeting him" A perfet day it was earlier that morning a bit chilly and a possible cold front as the day progressed. then it started snowing something that had not happened in years in Johannesburg, people were ecstatic, cars parked on the side of the freeway to take pictures, radio station DJ's asked listeners to post photos of themselves in the snow on twitter. The day was just perfect up until she met Oscar, Ntombi recalls. She was lost, driving to the other direction of where she was meant to and in dire need to get back to where she was suppose to go, she halted to ask for directions. Oscar being his kind self extended a helping hand and came to her rescue and ever since that day they spent hours and hours texting each other but Oscar was engaged to his childhood sweetheart, he has known her almost his whole life or at least thats how it feels now, such a lovely person she is and is adored by everyone in his family a spiritually grounded woman who fears the Lord is a dream daughter in law to any christian family. Oscar nonetheless feels he needs to marry her because he has been with her for so long and the family loves her and is afraid if he gets somebody else they might not be too pleased  with him, this trepidates him because he is not sure if he wants this for himself though he is quite certain it's what he wants for his family.

Ntombi seeing what an obscure situation Oscar was in she did not want to be a part of that blur though he was everything she has ever imagined in a man, in a companion; she was begining to fall inlove with the loved, she tried all she could to fight what she was feeling however it was growing at an agonising speed, he was falling just as hard but there were no garantees that there would be a future between them. She was just something he always dreamed of, had qualities of a heroine, she could possibly make a great partner but he had just met her and was a little bit too late, he felt he had to marry his fiancee for the sake of their belief, for the sake of his family and for the sake of her family sacrifising his own and lifetime happiness because he just had to do right by her. Ntombi learning all of this was convinced this was no love triangle she wanted to be engaged in but she just could not turn a blind eye to what she was feeling it was greater than she realised and was above and beyond a controlling power. " i already know what is at stake, i will just make sure i protect my heart from getting hurt and embrace the moment" she thought to herself as much as she tried to ignore the fact that she was falling deeper and deeper inlove with this guy she still could not have him.

Each time an opportunity presented itself for them to meet she would be excited like a love struck teenager "puppy love that's what he called it" each day that passed felt almost like a prolonged torture because he can just decide he's finally marrying her "it was not suppose to be this way, you meet a person that you think is for the moment and they come and steal your heart quicker and faster than you can prevent it, before you know it you have already fallen for them"  Ntombi confessed she never planned on falling inlove with him but it happened now the question she had was how possible or viable was it to fall out of love because the longer she entertained their  fling the harder she would get hurt but mentally she had to brace herself for any nasty suprises, an idea of a person stuck in a relationship is tolerable but it's different if that person is engaged and they not sure if they wanna stay that way or not or they just wanna have the best of both worlds. He wanted to be with Ntombi but he could not promise a forever as he also had already got used to the idea of soon becoming a family man, that was written all over his eyes when he kissed her under the stars one evening, it was so magical and beyond memorable the only thing she wanted to cherish when the fantasy came to an end her heart pounded so hard she was afraid he would see it, and as they stopped for air he looked at her in the eyes and murmured "that was magical" she  quickly looked away blinked her eyes from a fresh surge of tears because chances of moments like that between them were very limited he gazed into her eyes hoping to be lost in them he smiled and asked "where were you 3 years ago?"

It would have been safer for Ntombi to would have walked away then, because expectations were aroused and the curiosity grew and it was a burning desire they both felt and it was obviously and undeniably so, Oscar shared an apartment with a dear friend who always visited  home on weekends and had her over and promised himslef nothing was going to happen it would just be an innocent visit as convinced as he was that was not an easy decision with feelings involved and a burning passion, he led her to the lounge where they set looking at each other and before they could comprehend they were already kissing each other, her breathing grew heavier and he could feel the heat of her skin, he pushed off her top slipping his fingers into her bare buttocks, he lifted her she wrapped her legs around his hips, realising what was happening she resisted but it was way too late, he buried his face in her breasts and entered her, creating magic with their bodies and reciting love poems with their voices and to both of them everything felt perfect. But as much as she would like to believe that if it's meant to be it will be; the truth was chances were very slim of them being together like that than fate is allowing them now and would like to come out of their arrangement gratified,  if only he could let her leave with her head high and with the  beautiful memories they have created together that would be enough she could only hope that life treats him kind and that he has all he ever desired anything else was just above her, a feeling so real, so right yet so wrong because the timming was wrong "life is not fair" she thought but subterrenean in her heart she knew she would never forget him.

What Ntombi dreaded the most had finally came upon her, the fiancee was pregnant and there was now a possibility of a rushed wedding on the way before the belly starts showing, Oscar had just found out she was pregnant and what would have been the best news ever to a normal couple was the worst news he has ever heard, he looked so gloomy like he had just been ran over by a bus it was enough that he was marry her for the wrong reasons; a baby on the way was enough to drive anyone insane. Even if there was hope for him and Ntombi ending up together all those chances were all shattered and destroyed now, when he broke down the news to Ntombi seeing him like that broke her heart, she was more sad for him than she was for herself, he did not deserve all of what was happening in his life assurdely if there was a place he was certain if he ran away to nobody would find him he would. Life was unfair alright but this to him felt like a punishment, he shot himself on the foot the day he agreed to the madness of satisfying or rather putting other people's happiness before his, as much as he loved Ntombi he could not undo the pregnancy, the engagement nor the lobola he just had to deal with it, what was important was his creative and response to the entire mess he was drowning in, falling down is not falling down if you dont cry when you hit the floor the entire situation bore a lesson for him it was an acridly one that he either makes a lemonade out of or live bitterly for the rest of his life. Ntombi still loved him the baby could never change or influence how strongly she felt for him, but the only fear she had was merely the fact that she will forever be the other woman though she knew for a fact that his heart belonged with her she was just not too sure that, that would ever be enough it did not seem a problem at the time but she could never be certain that it would stay that way, though it was clear that she would never have him she was safe and content in the knowledge that he carries her in his spirit he cries for her more than he does for himself he prays for her harder everyday and that he will never stop loving her and she knows she will never stop loving him either this was just more than both of them it was beyond their power and it was all left in the love they claimed to have for each other, if strong enough it will seem them through the situation they faced love always find a way and she knew that if their love does not find a way now she will be waiting for him in their next life....