At first it was just a mistake that I swore was never going to happen again but we just could not keep our hands off each other, I vowed several times that I was gonna concentrate on my family and just protect the secret with my life. What started with just a mere kiss has resulted to 3 children that my husband adores and is convinced they are his, how can I possibly look him in the eye and honestly tell him that all those kids are not his, and that the actual father of those kids is his brother, though no one has ever questioned their resemblance but each time a family member came over they always commented on how much they looked like Mkhuseli my husband's younger brother and every time that was mentioned fear crept through my spine.
It had been 5 years since Bongani and I were married and trying for a baby, and the pressure from his parents was not making things easy, he was already considering a second wife; as his parents thought i was the one who could not concieve; at first he shot down their suggestion but the tension was building up and was starting to consider the idea of which i did not have a problem with because he was never really home, he's work always sent him away to implement whatever i've known Bongani for 12 years and yet still don't understand what he really does. One evening i needed help with my internet settings and asked if Mkhuseli could come over and help me, we had always been close it was safe to count him as one of my best friends i was free with and around him as i"ll ever be with anyone else. He is such a rare breed with a beautiful soul and his got the type of charisma that fills the entire room with positive energy and brightness. After he had fixed my settings we chatted for hours and did not realise how late it was, till this day i cannot recall what really happened but i do remember us sharing a passionate kiss and before i had time to re-collect myself the moment was just too heated to gather strength to stop what was happening and it was on that same night Lindokuhle was concieved, when Bongani came back from his business trip i had to behave normal and still had to make time to see Mkhuseli as well. Finally Bongani's dream came true he was going to be a father but little did he know who the real father was, He managed to convince his boss to allow him work from home to help raise his first son. When his leave ended he had to go work in Australia for 6 months then Lindokuhle was already 2 years old, few weeks before his return Zama was concieved. I was now pregnant with the second child of my husband's younger brother although we tried to calm ourselves on different occasions, we tried bringing ourselves towards ourselves but the chemistry we shared kept on bringing us together, we tried to to stop but we just could not.
I know i owe it to him to tell him the truth but he has not been the same since the kids were born, and telling him they were not his seemed unfair, keeping it a secret is killing me as well. Thandolwethu is the 3rd child, We had had a braai and my husband drank himself silly that night and dozed off on the couch, when everyone was gone Mkhuseli and I retired to the bedroom since the birth of the first two children we had learned to be extra careful we were not really worried about Bongani as he was way too waisted to hear anything, at the break of dawn Mkhuseli had to leave quietly and Bongani never suspected nor saw or heard anything a month later i discovered i was pregnant again with Thandolethu which means when traslated "our love" we named her that because no matter how hard we tried to keep away we always ended up in each other's arms, Mkhuseli was not proud of what he was doing neither was i but he has always been inlove with me, but still that was no excuse to what we were doing to my husband, i guess in the begining i was lonely and needed the company Mkhuseli offered then i also fell in love but i could not just divorce my husband on what grounds? he still believed all three children were his and i did not want to spoil that and i still don't. A part of me wants to free myself from this concealment another part of me is complacent with the way things are as long as Bongani never finds out all those kids are not his all should be well. I love my husband but not as much as i love Mkhuseli he is the father of my kids. Will I ever be able to tell him the truth or live with myself? I dont know.
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